Compassion is a wonderful quality, one of my highest values, and probably one of yours too.
At this time of year especially, it can feel really hard to keep giving your time and energy and to keep listening and supporting others. It can feel as if there is no more time or headspace left for you.
Compassionate people are drawn to caring professions, whether that be nurses, carers, counsellors, therapists, coaches, mental health professionals, doctors, vets, those who work in the charity sector… the list goes on. People in these roles share a deep need to care for, protect and look after others. But these roles can also be extremely emotionally draining, to the point of emotional burnout or, compassion fatigue.
The costs of compassion don’t just show up in particular occupations, but also in our personal relationships. Compassionate people, particularly women, can end up trying to ‘fix’ those around them (even when it hasn’t been invited!) then end up frustrated and angry when others don’t appreciate or reciprocate the effort, or when it is dismissed as ‘interfering’, when you were just doing your best to help. This can then lead to arguments and discontent in close relationships.
For those who are deeply empathic, the combination of their personality traits, their values and their vocation can come at huge cost. The costs of compassion can indeed be many and varied and stack up for differently depending on the individual. However, in my experience coaching compassionate people, there are similarities in how the negative impact can show up.
The costs of compassion include: (1) disrupted emotional balance, including feeling guilty, angry, and frustrated; (2) negative thoughts and beliefs about self, coupled with a critical inner voice; (3) poor boundaries leading to ‘over-giving’ and being taken for granted; and (4) unhelpful coping strategies such as overuse of food or alcohol, mind-less online shopping (which often leads back to feeling guilty and negative, critical self-talk.
Crucially, compassion fatigue often feels like stress, anxiety or overwhelm; its only when we start to delve deeper into those issues that it becomes clear that it’s the result of the costs of compassion which have led to a state of poor emotional wellbeing.
So, whilst being a compassionate person can be a wonderful experience and helps us live with purpose, it can also be emotionally painful and costly. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways we can protect ourselves from compassion fatigue. First and foremost, self compassion; Second, self care; and, third, a great repertoire of healthy, positive coping strategies. I will be discussing these in more detail in upcoming blogs.
I have created my Live Life Stronger Workshop to raise awareness and explain in more depth the costs of compassion, and to help people develop the tools to protect themselves from emotional burn out, or compassion fatigue.
The Live Life Stronger Workshop comes with its own Toolkit to help you assess what compassion might be costing you, and to develop skills to protect yourself from stress, anxiety and overwhelm. This Workshop is a completely free resource, which you can find here: